The Mighty Phoenix - Blog 2018

Speaking From the Heart

2/2/2018

Remember its okay to talk about what you went through because keeping it bottled up inside sucks the life out of you. However speaking from my own experience most people can not handle hearing it because it is to overwhelming for them. I have lost many friends because they were kind enough to listen but my story is to much and they don't know how to respond so they just go away. That is really hard to deal with because it brings up many types of feelings. It makes me want to numb and not feel but those are old coping habits that I have fought hard at to heal from. Remember you are not alone! Healing is in layers. Keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Marie Waldrep

A Little About Me

7/15/2016

My name is Marie Waldrep. I am a survivor of incest, childhood sexual assault, rape and domestic violence. My have a personal website called The Mighty Phoenix with helpful info on childhood sexual abuse that I created to help me as well as help others in there healing process. I was 5 the earliest time that I remember the sexual abuse starting. It occurred throughout my childhood into my teen years. I was 34 before seeking help for the incest and childhood sexual assaults.
I am the author of A Voice That Has Spoken From Within: A Survivor’s Feelings Expressed Through Poetry and Emotions of A Survivors Heart. I spend many hours of my time advocating for women and children that have been abused/ that are still being abused. My desire is for all that have been abuse to be able to find their own voice and begin in their own healing process.
Please know that you are not alone. There are people that do care and want to help you.
Sincerely,
Marie Waldrep

Domestic violence toward women: Recognize the patterns and seek help

7/13/2016

Domestic violence toward women: Recognize the patterns and seek help

Your partner apologizes and says the hurtful behavior won't happen again. But you fear it will. At times you may start to doubt your own judgment, or wonder whether you're going crazy. You may even feel like you've imagined the whole thing. But the emotional or physical pain you feel is real. If this sounds familiar, you may be the victim of domestic violence.
Also called domestic abuse, intimate partner violence or battering, domestic violence occurs between people in intimate relationships. It can take many forms, including emotional, sexual and physical abuse. Men are sometimes abused by female or male partners, but domestic violence is most often directed toward women. It can happen in heterosexual or lesbian relationships.
Unfortunately, domestic violence against women is common. It happens to teenage girls and women of all backgrounds. As many as 4 million women suffer abuse from their husbands, ex-husbands, boyfriends or intimate partners in the United States each year.

Recognizing abuse: Know the signs

It may not be easy to identify abuse, especially at first. While some relationships are clearly abusive from the outset, abuse often starts subtly and gets worse over time. For example, abuse may begin with occasional hurtful comments, jealousy or controlling behavior. As it gets worse, the abuse may become more frequent, severe or violent. As the cycle of abuse worsens, your safety or the safety of your children may be in danger.
You may be a victim of abuse if you're in a relationship with someone who:

Controls finances, so you have to ask for money
Looks at you or acts in ways that scare you
Acts jealous or possessive, or accuses you of being unfaithful
Tries to control how you spend your time, who you see or talk to, where you go or what you wear
Wants you to get permission to make everyday decisions
Gets angry when drinking alcohol or using drugs
Scares you by driving recklessly
Threatens to kill him or herself

You are very likely in an abusive relationship if you have a relationship with someone who does even one of the following:

Hits, kicks, shoves, slaps, or chokes you or threatens you with violence or a weapon
Forces you to have sexual intercourse or engage in sexual acts against your will
Calls you names, insults you or puts you down
Prevents you from going to work or school
Stops you from seeing family members and friends
Hurts, or threatens to hurt you, your children or pets
Destroys your property
Controls your access to medicines
Blames you for his or her violent behavior or tells you that you deserve it
Says that his or her abusive behavior is no big deal or even denies doing it
Tries to force you to drop charges
Tries to prevent you from calling the police or seeking medical care

Pregnancy, children and abuse

Pregnancy is a particularly perilous time for an abused woman. Not only is your health at risk, but also the health of your unborn child. Abuse can begin or may increase during pregnancy.
Abusive relationships can also be particularly damaging to children, even if they're just witnesses. But for women in an abusive relationship, chances are much higher that their children also will be direct victims of abuse. Over half of men who abuse their female partners also abuse their children.
You may worry that seeking help may further endanger you or your children, or that it may break up your family. But in the long run, seeking help when you safely can is the best way to protect your children — and yourself.

An abusive relationship: It's about power and control

Though there are no typical victims of domestic violence, abusive relationships do share similar characteristics. In all cases, the abuser aims to exert power and control over his partner.
Although a lot of people think domestic violence is about anger, it really isn't. Batterers do tend to take their anger out on their intimate partner. But it's not really about anger. It's about trying to instill fear and wanting to have power and control in the relationship. In an abusive relationship, the abuser may use varying tactics to gain power and control, including:

Emotional abuse. Uses put-downs, insults, criticism or name-calling to make you feel bad about yourself.
Denial and blame. Denies that the abuse occurs and shifts responsibility for the abusive behavior onto you. This may leave you confused and unsure of yourself.
Intimidation. Uses certain looks, actions or gestures to instill fear. The abuser may break things, destroy property, abuse pets or display weapons.
Coercion and threats. Threatens to hurt other family members, pets, children or self.
Power. Makes all major decisions, defines the roles in your relationship, is in charge of the home and social life, and treats you like a servant or possession.
Isolation. Limits your contact with family and friends, requires you to get permission to leave the house, doesn't allow you to work or attend school, and controls your activities and social events. The abuser may ask where you've been, track your time and whereabouts, or check the odometer on your car.
Children as pawns. Accuses you of bad parenting, threatens to take the children away, uses the children to relay messages, or threatens to report you to children's protective services.
Economic abuse. Controls finances, refuses to share money, makes you account for money spent and doesn't want you to work outside the home. The abuser may also try to sabotage your work performance by forcing you to miss work or by calling you frequently at work.

Breaking the cycle: Difficult, but possible with help

Domestic violence is part of a continuing cycle that's difficult to break. If you're in an abusive situation, you may recognize this pattern:

Your abuser strikes using words or actions.
Your abuser may beg for forgiveness, offer gifts or promise to change.
Your abuser becomes tense, angry or depressed.
Your abuser repeats the abusive behavior.

Typically each time the abuse occurs, it worsens, and the cycle shortens. As it gets worse, you may have a hard time doing anything about the abuse or even acknowledging it. Over time, an abusive relationship can break you down and unravel your sense of reality and self-esteem. You may begin to doubt your ability to take care of yourself. You may start to feel like the abuse is your fault, or you may even feel you deserve it.
This can be paralyzing, and you may feel helpless or as though your only option is to stay in the abusive situation. It's important to recognize that you may not be in a position to resolve the situation on your own.
But you can do something — and the sooner you take action the better. You may need outside help, and that's OK. Without help, the abuse will likely continue. Leaving the abusive relationship may be the only way to break the cycle.
A number of government and private agencies provide resources and support to women who are abused and their children. These resources include 24-hour telephone hot lines, shelters, counseling and legal services. Many of these services are free and can provide immediate assistance.

Create a safety plan

Leaving an abuser can be dangerous. You're the only one who knows the safest time to leave. You may know you are in an abusive relationship and realize you need to leave as soon as you safely can. Or, you may be concerned about your partner's behavior and think you may need to get out at some point in the future. Either way, being prepared can help you leave quickly if you need to. Consider taking these precautions:

Arrange a safety signal with a neighbor as an alert to call the police if necessary.
Prepare an emergency bag that includes items you'll need when you leave, such as extra clothes, important papers, money, extra keys and prescription medications.
Know exactly where you'll go and how you'll get there, even if you have to leave in the middle of the night.
Call a local women's shelter or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-7233 to find out about legal options and resources available to you, before you need them.
If you have school-age children, notify the school authorities or school counselor about custody arrangements and warn them about possible threats.

Keep your communication private

It isn't uncommon for an abuser to monitor mail, telephone and Internet communication. Take precautions to help maintain your privacy and safety by following these steps.
Telephone conversations

Avoid making long-distance phone calls from home. Your abuser could trace the calls to find out where you're going.
Be cautious when using a cell phone. Your abuser may be able to intercept conversations using a scanner. Switch to a corded phone if you're relaying sensitive information.
Be aware of controlling use of your cell phone. Your abuser may use frequent cell phone conversations or text messages as a way to monitor and control your activities. An abuser may also check your cell phone to see who has called, or attempt to check your messages.

Computer use

If you think your abuser is monitoring your computer use, the safest bet is to access a computer at a friend's house or at the library. If you do use a shared home computer, there are several steps you can take to help maintain your privacy:

Use a Web-based program for e-mail. Programs such as Outlook Express, Netscape Mail and Eudora store sent and received e-mails on your computer. A Web-based e-mail service is safer. Most of these services — such Gmail, Hotmail and Yahoo mail — offer free e-mail accounts.
Store files on the Internet. You can store files online and access them from any computer. A few companies that offer this service are IBackup and HyperOffice. You can also store documents as attachments in e-mail programs.
Change your password often. Choose passwords that would be impossible to guess. The safest passwords contain at least six characters, both numbers and letters. Avoid easily guessed numbers and sequences.
Clear your Web-browser history. Browsers such as Internet Explorer or Netscape Navigator keep a record of the Web pages and documents you have accessed. They also store graphics of images you look at. You can also use a program such as AbsoluteShield Internet Eraser or Speed Tracks Eraser to clear your Internet records.
Clear your document history. Applications such as Word or Excel keep a record of edited documents. Don't store or edit any documents you don't want your abuser to see on a shared computer.

Where to find help

No one deserves to be abused. If you think you may be in an abusive situation, seek help or advice as soon as you safely can. There are many resources available to help you. The first step to getting out of an abusive situation may be as easy as making one phone call. In an emergency situation, call 911, your local emergency number or your local law enforcement agency. If you aren't in immediate danger, the following resources can help:

National Domestic Violence Hotline: (800) 799-SAFE, or (800) 799-7233. Provides crisis intervention and referrals to in-state or out-of-state resources, such as women's shelters or crisis centers.
Your doctor or hospital emergency room. Treats any injuries and refers you to safe housing and other local resources.
Local women's shelter or crisis center. Typically provides 24-hour, emergency shelter for you and your children, advice on legal matters, advocacy and support services, and evaluation and monitoring of abusers. Some shelters have staff members who speak multiple languages.
Counseling or mental health center. Most communities have agencies that provide individual counseling and support groups to women in abusive relationships. Be wary of advice to seek couples or marriage counseling. This isn't appropriate for resolving problems of violence in intimate relationships.
Local court. Your district court can help you obtain a court order, which legally mandates the abuser stay away from you or face arrest. These are typically called orders for protection or restraining orders. Advocates are available in many communities to help you complete the paperwork and guide you through the court process.
Books and online resources. Learning more about how to cope with your situation and communicating with others who understand what you're going through can help you make strong choices.

Original Article: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/domestic-violence/WO00044

Marital Rape

7/13/2016

08/05/08
Marital Rape

Marital rape is a form of domestic violence. It makes no difference if the person who rapes you is your spouse. Rape by a spouse is still rape and it is illegal.

Researchers believe that marital rape does as much, if not more, traumatic damage to the victim than rape by a stranger. While any case of rape is traumatic, when the perpetrator is a trusted spouse, the effects of the rape go very deep. When rape caused by a spouse, the violation goes beyond a physical and sexual violation. It makes the victim question her own sense of judgment and value as a lovable individual.
Many women who are the victims of marital rape are raped repeatedly by their spouse. This leaves them to question if they have the right to report the rape, as it may appear that they condoned the rape, or that is was a part of sexual play.

Defining Marital Rape
It is sometimes difficult for a woman to define what takes place in her marital bed as rape. She may feel that since the rape is taking place by someone with whom she genuinely loves and interacts with on a daily basis, she may question whether it is truly rape. However, if a woman is being forced by her husband, manipulated or coerced into sex acts that she is not comfortable with, that is marital rape.

Marital Rape Can Occur in Many Different Forms

Marital rape may be very violent and be accompanied by much physical abuse.
An abuser may require that sex be a part of the “make-up” process after he has physically or emotionally abused his partner.
Marital rape may consist of coercion where the man may physically hold his partner in a particular position during sexual intercourse so his partner cannot move.
Marital rape can become very sadistic. This is when the spouse will force his partner to submit to acts which are meant to degrade and humiliate her.

If you are a victim of domestic violence, help is available. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. They will direct you to places in your area where you can seek help.

Everything Becomes Distorted

7/4/2016

After being abused your whole childhood and then as an adult you lose the ability to know what emotions you are feeling. Everything becomes distorted and you have a difficult time trying to explain how you feel. For that reason I am adding a list of emotions that may help you recognize what you are feeling. You are not alone! Marie Waldrep 7-4-16

At Times

7/3/2016

At times I want to take the stronger medication so I don't have to think or feel my heart hurt from things that bother me emotionally. I know that is not the answer though so I take what I need to get me through each day even though it does not take all the pain away. Being in constant physical pain causes emotional pain. It is a struggle but one worth fighting for. Just remember if you can't see something physically wrong with someone it does not mean they are not struggling with something!

Each Day is A New Day

7/3/2016

Each day is a new day to start over and begin things brand new!
Marie Waldrep 7-3-16
www.MarieWaldrep.com

Take Care of Your Body

6/24/2016

I would like to express one very important thing <3
Take care of your body by eating clean
That is fresh fruit and vegetables
Lean cuts of meat (fish, chicken, turkey, etc.)
Do not wait until you are diagnosed with diabetes, rheumatoid arthritis, osteoarthritis, fibromyalgia, degenerative disc disease, hypothyroidism, hypertension, sleep apnea, edema and the list could go on and on with many other issues. Most can be prevented if you take care of your body. . .
I realize that some people have horrible things happen in their lives that cause them to lose sight of taking care of their selves.

Please take care of you! You are worth every effort you put into yourself.

Marie Waldrep ~
6-24-16

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month

4/6/2016

April is Sexual Assault Awareness and Child Abuse Awareness Month. If you or anyone you know has or still is experiencing this seek help but stay safe in the process.

Ms. Georgia Ambassador FoRe! Domestic-Sexual Abuse Marie Waldrep is a Mother, a Sister, an Author, Advocate, Mentor, and Media Marketing Creator FoRe! those who choose ''Living Royal'' as a lifestyle.

Marie is a survivor of incest, childhood sexual assault, bullying, rape and domestic violence. It is Marie’s desire to help other victim/survivors of all forms of sexual assault, other forms of abuse and sexual misconduct through Raising Awareness by Promoting Education!

Due to Marie’s own personal experience of domestic-sexual abuse she felt compelled to express her feelings of pain and anguish she endured through writing. Marie has a couple of books which can also be found on her website www.MarieWaldrep.com

Recources can be found on Marie’s website
www.MarieWaldrep.com

The Crisis Consultant page
https://facebook.com/FoReCrisisConsultant/

Marie Booting Out Domestic Violence

1/12/2016

Crowned Ms. Georgia Ambassador FoRe! Domestic-Sexual Abuse

1/12/2016

I was crowned Ms. Ga Ambassador FoRe! Domestic-Sexual Abuse in Las Vegas December 5, 2015. It was a very special moment for me and it was a private ceremony as the Crown was placed upon my heal. Tears, and a mixture of emotions run through you when the moment comes. It is an honor! Truly Beauty from Ashes! Humbly Embracing Royalty!
Marie Waldrep
1-12-2016

Help me get to California in April 2016 because that is when I am to be Crowned Ms. US Ambassador FoRe! Domestic-Sexual Abuse.

1/11/2016

Things people have said about my book A Voice That Has Spoken From Within: A Survivor's Feelings Expressed Through Poetry

7/14/2015

A Voice That Has Spoken From Within: A Survivor's Feelings Expressed Through Poetry

The poetry is fantastic
Michael Joseph on February 12, 2014

Marie wrote about a topic that is so hard to write about. As a fellow poet and survivor of much trauma and abuse I can say her poems are awesome. I love every one. But better yet I love the courage that Marie has to actually publish this book. I too have poems in a book published. I would tell many people survivors or not to read her book.

A good collection of poetry and a great person who wrote them. How can you go wrong?

Diana, an educator and a caregiver, February 9, 2006

Writing the unutterable

Writing the unutterable pain, fear and sorrow this pen draws you into the senses of the survivor. For those who wish to consider this perspective for the sake of love done or friend who has experienced the same but cannot yet yield it this is a great place to start. Once you finish, share it with people around you. Exposure to these pleas and contemplation's will surely invite the reader or discussion group to use the resources in the back of the book to speak and act definitively against perpetrators and for survivors.

MyJourney Now, a clinician, February 8, 2006,

Clergy, Congressman, Best friend in your book club

Pass this book to your clergy, teacher, coach, congressman, beautician and your best friend in your book club. This new collection of poetry from a first-time author sheds light, feeling and hope on a subject not clearly understood by many. Writing from her heart, and letting her thoughts, feelings and self fill the page, she is no longer prisoner to experiences that she must censor and edit so greatly that you cannot see MARIE. Marie is real. Her anguish, grief and fear related to these assault experiences is clear. This introduces questions: Will you let her pleas go unanswered? Or perhaps will you accept her invitation to listen differently, respond and act to the benefit of sexual assault victims in your life and community? Marie provides the resources for survivors and their loved ones everywhere to act decisively against sex offenders. She wants to know if you will come with.

Elizabeth (myjourneytome@yahoo.com), A reviewer, February 6, 2006,

A must read for everyone!

My heart broke with yours as I read your poetry and the words brought to life the terror, heartache, and pain you not only endured, but also survived. And even amidst all of that pain, there was also a message of hope and healing. Marie has accomplished what most writers aspire to do...expressing deep emotions through words. I recommend the book highly not only for survivors, but also non-survivors as well.

Wonderful Poetry Kimberly Alabama (4/22/2005)

I loved her book and shared it with my mother who was amazed and read every page as well. I wish the author great success and hope that others are as equally impressed with it.

A compelling journey through the soul of a Survivor Jaeda DeWalt - JAEDE Publications Washington/USA (3/27/2005)

Through poetry, Marie Waldrep, gives us a tender and compelling look at the life of an adult survivor. Through her words we are able to experience the wounded child that lingers within the woman. To get sense of that little girl still waiting to be nurtured, loved, validated and accepted. She does not offer the book to us as a seasoned writer but rather as a survivor, in earnest - with the love and light that is her strong spirit. This book lends an uncensored look at the painful healing process. The intent of this book comes through loud and clear. She is turning her pain into something productive and powerful. By offering her experience as a way to; help heal other survivors, to give them a voice and raise awareness to the issue of child sexual abuse. The writing reflects spiritual undercurrents and a strong relationship with the Lord. Her poetry ebbs and weaves from woman to child - from darkness to light. This book ends with the author offering her own thoughts on abuse, healing and recovery. Following her thoughts she offers some resources for victims and survivors. The book closes on a hopeful and encouraging note.

Excellent Samantha Illinois (3/23/2005)

"It is rare that one who has never been victimized can understand what victims suffer through. Marie Waldrep's poetry clearly expresses the deep pain and suffering that every victim of any form of abuse or violence suffers. Through her writings, we are able to see into the depth of her soul. We see the anguish she has suffered and the hope she holds dear. She is to be commended for baring her soul to help others in this way." -Samantha Nelson, The Hope of Survivors

A Voice That Has Spoken From Within Cassie Texas/USA (3/22/2005)

This book was both heartbreaking and healing. The poems were honest; and Marie expressed her thoughts on her own healing journey with grace and eloquence. It is inspiring to see the changes in her poetry as she progresses from"victim" to "survivor". This was an excellent book, and I would recommend it to any survivor or friends of survivors.

There is Hope after Abuse

7/14/2015

There is Hope after abuse. It takes time and patience in your recovery process. It is tiring and very draining but don't lose sight of the joy that is to come. For the first time just this week I did something to take care of me, a new beginning. I got my hair cut short and styled and my ears pierced. I have survived incest, molestation, sexual abuse, rape by multiple people and domestic violence. I have been assistant to Anne Bissell for 8+ years now!
Do something for yourself that is positive and don't let anyone steal your joy! You are worth every effort you spend in taking care of and doing for yourself! YOU ARE WORTH IT!!! God Bless! Marie Waldrep
12-13-12

No Hiding

7/14/2015

No hiding! We did that to much growing up because we were afraid of our abusers and what they did to us! The shame we felt belongs to them! The guilt belongs to them! We have pulled the strength from deep inside and we have survived! I am proud of how far I have come walking through the hell of those evil beings. We are going to make it one step at a time. Through each hurdle of this healing journey growing stronger with each step we take! Marie Waldrep